Tag Archives: Christianity

Vision

18 Apr

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” — Proverbs 29:18

I spent a great amount of time in the darkness, without a vision for my life. I am a passionate person who prefers the background and sidelines to the messy front and center. I have a great deal of difficulty channeling my passion into meaningful things and even more difficulty translating my passion into anything that other people can truly understand. For most of my life, I’ve struggled to form, build and maintain relationships. I am socially awkward, a total misfit, and I make no apologies for any of my shortcomings.

I am rough around the edges. What else would you expect of someone who was brought up by truckers, bikers and ex hippies in the middle of the forest? I’ve always been slightly feral, unrestrained, untamed, and strangely untouched by social convention. Those things never bothered me, although as I’ve gotten older and spent more time in the “civilized” world of suburbia, I’ve started to see the reasons why things are the way they are.

Knowing why never answered the greater questions though. Life, for the most part, is quite empty for many people. Work, sex, money, technology, taxes, and that about wraps it up. Pleasure and power. The freedom to choose your preferred brand of wage slavery. The joy of it all reduced to a few boxes on a few forms that you send in at the end of the year.

The greater vision of it all has been lost. Some people have found it. Others are not so lucky. About a month ago, I decided that I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing. Which was pretty much nothing, I admit. So I decided that I needed to do something. But what? What should I do? What could I do? Why should I do it? Would I even be willing to do anything?

Ah, there’s the real question, the real precursor to living a visionary life. Am I willing? Are you willing? Willing to do what? Something! Anything! Willing to change, willing to be changed, willing to live instead of just living, willing to think new thoughts, believe new beliefs, see new sights, rise to new occasions. Are we willing to be afraid? To really and truly feel fear, not just that mild tremble we feel in the dark, but that mind-numbing, pants-crapping sort of fear that removes us from everything we thought we knew and kicks us firmly out of the door we’ve spent most of our lives knocking on? Are we ready for that? Are we willing to do those things?

Despite the fear, despite the logic, despite the doubt, despite the criticism and the consequences? Really, for real, are we gonna do it, whatever “it” is? Or are we going to sit on the couch and watch Golden Girls re-runs? Maybe we’ll get up and think about doing it, taking that leap, risking it all, going off the deep end….but in the end, will you take the first step and the step after that and the other 999,998 steps until you get to your goal? Or will you find yourself hunched over a keyboard, hammering out that last report, that last proof, that last budget, back up against the wall to a vicious deadline? Will you continue to flip your Xbox, night after night and go to sleep when everyone else wakes up instead of leaving it all behind?

There is truth to be told. There are lessons to be learned. But most of us don’t want truth. Most of us hated school and therefore, we hate learning. So who cares about lessons? Who cares about the truth? Why have a vision when you can watch 1001 different visions on your television? If your bills are paid (or not), if you have a place to live (or not), if you have someone who loves you (or not)…none of that really matters anyway. You can buy tickets to an Alicia Keys concert and you won’t be boring any more. Problem solved.

The truth is, that guy wasn’t boring because he didn’t attend enough concerts or spend enough money. He was boring because he probably never did anything worthwhile. His girlfriend dumped him because she wanted to go places and do things. She was probably tired of sitting around watching him stare into his laptop and moan about he’s broke, doesn’t have any friends, his fantasy football team is going to hell in a handbasket, etc. She herself probably wasn’t that interesting to begin with. If you’re breaking up with someone because they’re boring, then you should probably take a good look in the mirror because chances are you’re boring too.

Relationships and life itself are more than entertainment. They are supposed to have meaning. The relationship itself might be interesting. Or it might not. Unless your “life” is a scripting event on reality tv, then it probably isn’t going to be fun, exciting, and entertaining at all times. There’s a lot of really hard and ugly (pardon my French here) shit in this world. Some of it really freakin’ sucks and some of it can be really freakin’ boring. Toughen up. If you want excitement, go look for it. Don’t sit across from your SO and break up with him because he’s boring. (Unless you’re the Dos Equis guy. Then maybe you can get away with such exploits.)

I’ve raged long enough about a commercial that most people have probably forgotten. I do know what I’m talking about though. I watched a good portion of my life float by me in a haze. I was afraid to take those first steps, or any steps at all. Change is hard, it sucks, but going back to the person who abused you is not always an option. Even if that person is you. For years, I lived a life without restraint. Food was my drug and it consumed me every bit as much as I consumed it. I was fat, everyone around me was fat (or struggling with health issues related to food) and I refused to acknowledge the problem. I attempted a juice fast and damn near killed myself. I gave up and really didn’t care if I lived or died.

I quit writing on this blog because I lacked the vision. I wanted to change minds, but it seems as if no one’s mind really wanted to be changed. No, people are content in their boxes, watching Harlem Shake videos and listening to Top 40 music while glancing into their cellphones periodically and jerking off to half-naked celebrities at night. Who cares about God? Who wants to live a Godly lifestyle? Besides, the world finds Christianity backwards and decidedly unglamorous. I thought that once too.

It’s easier to live life like a country song, takin’ it easy, drinkin’ a little drink, smokin’ a little smoke, makin’ out by those KC lights, and waitin’ for some good lookin’ member of the opposite sex to set you on the right path. Then maybe you’ll go to church on Sundays, drop a $20 in the donation box and stop taking the Lord’s name in vain. None of that means a damn thing though. They are hollow euphemisms for a simple life lived without reservation. That’s all they are. What chances are you taking, what worthwhile experiences are you having by following their advice? None, in my opinion.

Have a forward facing vision, people. Look at the life in front of you. Go out and live. Make changes, not excuses. Don’t be bored.

That’s all for today.

Consciously Objecting To The Concept of Happiness

22 Jun

Summer is here. I hear the sounds of the children playing at the day care center across the way. Their giggles, their cries, their screams, their sighs. I hear it all when I’m out tending to my plants. They play in the sprinklers, shriek as they slide down the slip n slide. They fight over toys and dump buckets of water on each other. It’s idyllic, peaceful, a nice piece of suburbia where all the kids are lily white and all the lawns are kept real nice.

That’s one side of life, the good life that some of us strive to live. We want to be good examples, good neighbors, happy people. Sometimes we smile and fake it. Other times we’re legit because we’ve made it. Here lately I have been questioning it all. What does it take to be happy? What is happiness anyway?

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Hen and Friend and Me Makes Three

4 May

Gender neutrality. Can we truly ever have gender neutral societies? Or just ultra liberal, politically correct societies? Why can’t we all just be people?

My head is swimming in a pool of confusion. Do I really long for a simpler time when guys were guys and girls were girls and no one dared to question those invisible lines that separated our species into two distinct camps?

Hen is the new Swedish word that is an expression of gender neutrality. Instead of saying “boys and girls” or “men and women” or “ladies and gents”…it’s just “hen”. If a child is just a child and we don’t want to offend the child by identifying its gender…we say “hen”. Right? I thought hens were female chickens. Or maybe I’m just too American to wrap my head around a new word.

To me, the whole gender neutral thing is just odd because I don’t see what people are making such a fuss about. I wouldn’t care if I had a son and he wanted to wear a dress up gown and child sized heels around the house. Just like I wouldn’t give a rip if my little girl wanted to run around shirtless and play in the dirt.

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Personal Paralysis

20 Mar

Lately, I’ve been considering this quote quite a bit:

“If you just once give up everything for the Lord Christ you will never again be in chains. If you walk away from everything–just once in your life– you will be able to do it again.” — Fr. Dwight Longenecker

I came across this quote while browsing through my many blog subscriptions. One blog I’ve been subscribed to for awhile is Conversion Diary. I found it while searching for blogs that dealt with topics related to converting to Christianity in adulthood. While my path is similar to hers in some ways, in others it is quite different. Most notably, I am not Catholic. Anyway, this quote was posted a couple of weeks ago on her quick takes page and I’ve been fascinated with it ever since. I have trouble walking away from things. Even toxic situations. I seem to experience what I’ve dubbed “personal paralysis” in regard to those sorts of situations. I freeze up when faced with the agonizing choice of having to choose. “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” plays in the back of my mind and somehow, whatever situation I’ve found myself in suddenly seems not quite as bad as I imagined it to be.

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